


Sensei vs Student

by Myst_Marshall



Category: Naruto
Genre: Blind Date, Gen, Humor, Teacher-Student Relationship, Team Bonding, Trolling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:55:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27860362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myst_Marshall/pseuds/Myst_Marshall
Summary: Minato was quickly becoming convinced of two things: Icha Icha was glued permanently to his student’s hand and Kakashi was going to die single, so Minato decided to take matters into his own hands by not-so-subtly setting him up on blind dates. Really, Minato only had Kakashi’s best interests in mind.Kakashi didn’t seem to think so.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

Ask anyone who knew Minato personally to describe him using three words, worrywart was almost always included in that list. There would most certainly be a word in there pertaining to his skillset, but that didn’t mitigate the glaring fact that Minato was always too worried for his own good. 

When the news had spread around Konoha that Minato was receiving his first genin team, his peers wondered if he was going to spontaneously combust from fretting over the safety of his genin students. Luckily for Konoha, Minato didn’t combust. Although it was safe to say, Minato’s anxiety shot through the roof every time his students went on a mission outside of their village without him. 

Even if they were with him, Minato would never stop worrying about them because those three were his precious students. 

During the war era, Minato’s distress seemed to stem from his deep concern about his student’s safety. Of course, a number of headaches arose throughout the three years of Team Minato that could be attributed to Obito and Kakashi’s relentless bickering. 

Despite their differences, Obito and Kakashi had proven time and time again that they could work together in dire circumstances and slowly, that eased up Minato’s fears. They would be alright after all. 

And then the Kannabi Bridge mission happened, sending Kakashi spiralling a deep pit of depression. Minato could only watch helplessly as his student continued his descent towards the dark end. Every time Kakashi pushed him away, Minato’s concern increased tenfold. 

When Minato spotted Danzo speaking to Kakashi, Minato knew that it was a disaster waiting to happen if he didn’t intervene. Despite Kakashi’s protests, Minato intervened, pressing him to spill the details of the conversation. Out of respect for his former sensei, Kakashi did. 

Dismantling the Root Foundation immediately went to the top of the list of things Minato wanted to do as Hokage. It hadn’t been an easy fight, but by the very end of it, Minato could only sigh in relief. 

He had successfully prevented Kakashi from plummeting even farther into darkness. 

And somewhere along the way, Minato began noting the changes in Kakashi. As the years passed, the darkness in his heart seemed to wane slightly. For once, Kakashi actually expressed emotions other than apathy, even if it was annoyance at Gai’s relentless attempts to integrate him into their friend group. 

Slowly, but surely, Kakashi managed to climb his way out of that dark pit. 

Minato thought he could finally put his worrying days behind. Kakashi had recently turned twenty four and was a full fledged jonin and Anbu operative. No longer was he the angst filled kid whose only mission was to ignore or antagonize his teammates and no longer was he the broody teen riddled with depression. 

Kakashi could look out for himself now. Minato was finally relieved of his duty. 

Only the habit had been so deeply ingrained in him that Minato accidentally started to channel that energy into other places. 

Kakashi wasn’t too thrilled about that.

* * *

When Minato assigned him the mission yesterday, Kakashi hadn’t been too excited at the prospect of taking a meager B ranked mission. That, and Kakashi hadn’t been too keen on the fact that this wasn’t an Anbu mission, but rather a normal mission that any other jonin in the village could have completed. 

A waste of time, Kakashi called it. 

Yet Minato’s hands were tied. The Fire Daimyo had requested Kakashi by name and explicitly stated that was the only shinobi that he wanted to accompany them on their trip back. Minato tried to offer more shinobis, four shinobis were the norm to make up a guard platoon for a high ranking official, but the Fire Daimyo was firm in his request. 

Knowing that Kakashi would get back at him for assigning such a mission, Minato made sure to tell him the wrong time, three hours earlier than the actual meet up time. Considering that this was the first time Minato used this tactic on Kakashi, he hoped that Kakashi wouldn’t be suspicious of the time. 

But knowing that his student was made to be a shinobi, he knew that Kakashi’s paranoia levels were astounding. 

Minato chuckled politely at the Fire Daimyo’s joke. Though he didn’t outwardly show it, the joke was pretty lame and that was reflected on his daughter’s face. Yuna stood there with a bored expression plastered to her face. Her brown hair fell around her, framing her face. Her dark eyes swept her surroundings, yet there was only so much of forestry to see. 

Kakashi was two minutes late. Minato sweatdropped as he yet made a polite comment in response to the Fire Daimyo’s quip. 

“Urgh!” Yuna groaned. “Can we leave already? I’m tired of waiting around.” 

Her father intervened before Minato could say anything, coaxing the girl to wait a little bit longer, citing that he had the utmost faith that Kakashi was held up by important matters resulting in his tardiness. When the Fire Daimyo turned to Minato for confirmation, all he could do was nod and smile. 

“Kakashi is normally on time.” Minato lied straight through his teeth, forcing his lips to curve up into the most convincing fake smile he could muster. The muscles in his face twitched from the strain. 

“I’m sure that he’ll be here shortly.” Even Minato couldn’t seem to bring himself to buy into his own words, but luckily, the Fire Daimyo readily accepted his word for it. 

Why the Fire Daimyo personally requested for Kakashi, Minato would never know. As far as he was aware, the two never met and Kakashi had spent the better part of the last decade working in secrecy in the Anbu Black Ops. 

Time crawled by slowly. Luckily, the Fire Daimyo didn’t seem too put off by Kakashi’s tardiness, but rather took the opportunity to converse with Minato to fill the what would be awkward silence. Yuna busied herself with kicking the pebbles around, before quickly getting bored of it and switching to drawing in the dirt with the tip of her sandals. 

At the six minute mark, Minato felt Kakashi’s chakra signature flare within his range to which he sighed in utter relief. Thirty seconds later, Minato spotted his student’s silhouette in the distance as he casually strolled towards them. 

When Kakashi came closer, Minato was appalled to see that damning orange book in the palm of his right hand. Even as he walked closer to them, Kakashi’s lone eye was riveted on the contents of the book; Minato even witnessed him flipping to the next page in the book. Telepathically, Minato wanted Kakashi to look up so he could see the signals that Minato was sending his way to put his book away, but of course, he was no Yamanaka. 

Fortunately at the moment, the Fire Daimyo was lecturing Yuna about something so he wasn’t paying too much attention to the arrival of a newcomer. 

Right as Minato was about to implode from the anxiety building up inside of him at the prospect of the Daimyo witnessing Kakashi reading “tasteful” literature, Kakashi snapped the book shut and quickly stuffed it into his weapon’s pouch right as the Daimyo looked up as if he could sense it. The corner of his visible eye crinkled as Kakashi lazily waved his hand in greeting. 

The Daimyo was more than happy to accept Kakashi’s lackluster greeting. 

“Ah Kakashi san! It’s good to see you again.” The Fire Daimyo moved to pull Kakashi into a hug, but he expertly avoided being stuck in that predicament by angling his body away from him. The Daimyo dropped his arms back down to his side, but the smile was ever present on his face. 

Kakashi tipped his head in the Daimyo’s direction. “Likewise.” 

Minato could only watch the exchange in total utter confusion. When had they met? 

Luckily for Minato, the Fire Daimyo was the type who loved to talk about his life. 

“Ah Minato san, you raised a good student here.” At this part, the Daimyo clamped a hand on Kakashi’s shoulder. Minato noticed the slight grimace that appeared on Kakashi’s expression from the physical contact, but he didn’t make a move to pry the Daimyo’s hand off. “A few years ago, he saved me from some shinobis.” 

Minato’s eyes flickered to his student. “Is that so?”

“I had never been so impressed in my life,” the Daimyo continued to ramble. “From the looks of it, he had just gotten back from a mission yet he still had the ability to flatten the five shinobis in a matter of minutes. Of course I wanted to give him payment for his services, but Kakashi san here is so humble and wouldn’t accept it. So I vowed to request him for missions.” 

Which Kakashi clearly didn’t approve of, from the dull look in his visible eye. Minato resisted the urge to snicker; he made him suffer and now this was his payback. 

“Well I can assure you that you will be in good hands for this trip,” Minato cheerily told the Daimyo. 

This time, he addressed his student. “I’ll see you in a few days. I have another mission for you when you get back.” His only response was a glare. 

Finally, when Minato sent them off on their trip, he couldn’t hide the smile off of his face. 

Minato: 1

Kakashi: 0

* * *

Don’t get Kakashi wrong, he thought the Daimyo was a perfectly nice man albeit he spoke way too much sometimes. That wasn’t even the part that concerned Kakashi as the Daimyo accepted silence as an answer. And from how much he talked, the Daimyo could carry on the conversation for both of them. 

The worst part was that Daimyo was somehow convinced that Kakashi was the perfect candidate to become his son-in-law since the day that Kakashi saved him from a group of rogue chunins. Nevermind that he shot down that idea multiple times, the Daimyo still took every opportunity to subtly, but not so subtly hint at setting him up with his daughter. 

No thanks. 

When Kakashi proposed that he travel by the trees to give him a better vantage point to spot incoming danger - not really, it was just an excuse to get away from the chatterbox - his idea was completely shut down by the Daimyo. He cited all sorts of reasons, ranging from Kakashi would be able to better protect them if he was right next to him to the fact he felt significantly safer when he was in his line of sight. Kakashi couldn’t refute those reasons. That was one of the things he hated most about escort missions apart from the agonizingly slow pace, but that didn’t mean he was any happier with being stuck on the ground. 

Especially not when the Daimyo obviously tried to maneuver their positions so that Kakashi would be walking next to Yuna. 

Thankfully, the girl didn’t seem to have any interest in getting to know him like he didn’t have any to get to know her either. However, the Daimyo’s meddling was growing increasingly tiresome, especially when Yuna didn’t have the slightest interest in responding to her father, so that left Kakashi with the brunt of the responsibility. 

After all, Minato had grilled into his head a dozen times that on an escort mission, the client’s needs should be his top priority. 

“Kakashi san, how have you been? Still taking a lot of missions?”

“It’s been alright. A lot of missions, yes.” 

_And they’re all classified so I can’t tell you about any of them,_ Kakashi tacked on in his mind. 

“Any big changes in your life lately?” 

That was quite an odd question to ask. Did getting two additions to his Anbu team count as a big change? 

“Like?” Kakashi prompted. 

“Like a significant other?” Ah, of course. The Daimyo would want to know about that. Would he believe him if Kakashi answered yes?

“I’m not focused on that right now,” Kakashi settled for, hoping that it would get the Daimyo to back down. He didn’t know how he could express it any clearer. 

“Ah but you should be!” the Daimyo exclaimed. “You’re at the prime age for dating! With your looks and skill set, I bet there are girls falling at your feet.” 

It was embarrassing, but Kakashi had to admit he stumbled slightly when the Daimyo slapped him twice on the back as he spoke, at each exclamation. Kakashi resisted the urge to squirm; his discomfort level shot off the charts, yet the oblivious Daimyo didn’t seem to notice. 

In the end, he only managed to force out a single syllable. “Ah.” 

The Daimyo waved his hand around dramatically. “I don’t understand why you wear that mask of yours. I think you are the prime age of youth where you can flaunt your looks, not hide it. Oh! I get it now. You must be shy; don’t worry. I got you!” At this point, the Daimyo slapped his back once more. Kakashi almost choked on his own spit. “If you need me to introduce you to people, I can. I know lots of women who would love you. Just tell me what your type is.” 

“...kunoichi.” That was the only word that Kakashi managed to get out before the Daimyo carried on, completely ignoring him. 

“Any type that you want. Blonde? Brunette? Black haired? Other colors? Tall? Short? Curves?” And the Daimyo continued listing and listing that Kakashi had to just to tune him out simply because he couldn’t listen to this anymore. 

None of that mattered considering that the Daimyo hardly knew any shinobis, much less kunoichis. And Kakashi couldn’t imagine himself with a civilian; he had seen first hand what a disaster that had been when Genma tried. Civilians just couldn’t understand their world. 

Yuna was his saving grace. 

“Tou san,” Yuna loudly interjected, cutting off her father. Kakashi had no idea how a civilian had the lungs to go on for so long. “Stop being an embarrassment.” 

With that, she crossed her arms over her chest and jerked her chin up in the other direction while the Daimyo’s face grew considerably redder. 

“I am not an embarrassment!”

“You are,” Yuna shot back with equal fervor. “Clearly shinobi san isn’t interested in what you have to say at all. I know you are trying to set me up with him and I can tell you right now that I’m not interested!” 

“Why not? He’s literally everything that you can ask for!” 

At this point, Kakashi made the wise decision to fall behind a few steps and silently watch the father and daughter duo start a shouting match in the middle of the forest while still walking towards their destination. 

“He’s a shinobi, tou san! Shinobis are never around.” 

“He can protect you. You know because of your status there are a lot of people who would like to get their hands on you!” 

“That’s what palace guards are for! Besides, I don’t even like shinobi san.” 

“What is there not to like?” 

“He was late today!” Yuna yelled. “The way he walks gives me the impression that he’s lazy. And during the entire trip so far, I can tell he can’t be bothered to listen to what you have to say, much less be interested in listening to me talk!” 

Well Kakashi couldn’t say that she was wrong, but he just desperately wished that the two of them would stop talking about him like he wasn’t there. 

Kakashi sighed as the two continued to bicker over his qualities, the Daimyo in his defense and Yuna against him. Tearing his eye off of his client, he raised his head upwards to find some solace in the clouds. If only his life was as peaceful as the clouds lazily floating through the sky without a care in the world…

Kami, he sounded like a Nara. 

His peace was disrupted when he felt a flare of chakra. Within a second, Kakashi’s posture straightened up, a kunai already at the tip of his fingers. Quickly pinpointing the enemy chakra, or chakras as Kakashi felt more of them as they appeared in his radar, he took action. Leaping towards the Daimyo and his daughter, he grabbed both of them by the arm, jerked them backwards. Yuna let out a cry as she lost her footing and fell onto her back. 

Kakashi didn’t have time to check up on her as he jumped out of the way to avoid the kunai that landed in the same position that the Daimyo had been a few moments ago. He launched his kunai, deflecting the shuriken that came out of the trees aimed at the Daimyo. 

Four of them, all hidden in the trees on their left side. 

A barrage of weapons flew out of the trees. Kakashi deftly landed in front of the Daimyo and his daughter, fingers quickly forming through the hand seals before slamming the palm of his hands down onto the ground. A mud wall formed in front of him, all the weapons lodging into the mud wall. Forming a clone to stay behind to defend his clients, Kakashi scaled up the wall and catapulted himself to the other side. 

Even without his Sharingan, Kakashi nimbly dodged all the weapons that rained down on him, as the trajectory was simply too predictable. He faked a few moves to throw off their aim, his analytical eye quickly pinpointing the first shinobi’s location. 

There, up that tree. 

Kakashi didn’t bother with formulating a plan and ran straight up the tree while dodging the projectiles that rained down on him. Judging from the fact the enemy wanted to keep the fight at a long distance range even when they had advantage in numbers told him that they realized they were severely outclassed. That and the shinobi’s chakra signature was growing increasingly erratic as Kakashi closed the distance between them. 

Near the top, Kakashi ran around the trunk of the tree before reaching out to grab a branch. With his upper arm stretch, he pulled himself onto that branch, swinging his legs into the air before using his chakra to keep him perched on the tree. The enemy shinobi craned his neck to peer over the ledge, wondering where Kakashi had disappeared to as it had all happened in a quick second. 

Casually, Kakashi tapped him on the shoulder. From the second that the shinobi turned around to face him, he was already caught in a simple genjutsu. The shinobi’s eyes glazed over, body swaying as he lost control of his chakra, before the body tumbled out of the trees. 

Kakashi winced as he heard a thump on the ground. 

From his vantage point, he spotted the two other shinobis had jumped out from their hiding place to tackle his clone while he was occupied. His clone was faring quite well against the two of them; they seemed to be more like bandits trying to play ninja rather than actual shinobis. 

His eye flickered down to the man who had fallen out of the tree. Definitely bandits. It was taking far too long for him to break out of an Academy level genjutsu. 

Leaping onto the next branch, Kakashi ran full force at the fourth bandit hiding in the trees, giving long range support for his two comrades. Kakashi saw him ready to throw a handful of shurikens, no doubt that would pop his clone out of existence if his clone wasn’t careful, but before the shurikens even left his hands, Kakashi’s elbow rammed into his stomach. A strangled noise emitted from the back of his throat as he fell out of the tree and landed with a loud thump. 

Kakashi hopped down, waved his hand in front of the man’s face and confirmed that his pupils were still following his hand movements, before he knocked him out by hitting one of his pressure points. 

Ah, was this what it was like to fight genin? No thrill at all. 

Standing up again, Kakashi tucked his hands into his pockets as he leisurely strolled towards his clone, who was finishing up the exchange quite nicely. If a regular clone, at fifty percent of his actual power, could defeat them with low effort, Kakashi didn’t feel a sense of urgency to hurry over. 

His clone knocked out the last man. Flashing him a mock salute, his clone poofed out of existence, leaving him with four unconscious men and the Daimyo and his daughter. 

Yuna stood next to her father, who had squatted down and covered his head with his hands like he was experiencing an earthquake. Yuna shook him on the shoulder, informing him that it was safe to look up now. After a bit of coaxing, the Daimyo finally looked up to see all men were unconscious on the ground. Slowly, he stood back up. 

“Ah thank you Kakashi san. That was quite unexpected, wasn’t it?” 

Kakashi merely shrugged. 

As Yuna and the Daimyo walked towards him, Kakashi noticed Yuna was staring at him, like she was seeing him in a completely different light. Something changed in her eyes. Kakashi was completely befuddled as he watched Yuna nod to herself. 

Breaking away from her father’s side, Yuna seemed to be walking closer to him rather than forward down the road. Inconspicuously, Kakashi shifted to the left and just hoped that he was being overly paranoid. 

He wasn’t. 

When he felt fingers brushing lightly against his upper arm, he felt chills go straight down his spine. Yuna passed him, turning her head to look over her shoulder to flash him a smile before she skipped off down the road. 

Kakashi shuddered.

* * *

Kakashi stormed into the Hokage’s office two days after Minato had expected him to come back, so furious that he had forgoed sliding through the windows like he always did. Seeing Kakashi fling open the doors with a sheer amount of force enough to make the impact rattle the office spoke volumes to exactly how pissed off he was. 

Minato was completely clueless. He’d like to think that he knew his student well enough to deduce that being forced on an escort mission wasn’t enough to set him off. At least, not like this. 

Instead of lashing out at him like he expected, Kakashi simply plopped down into the chair right in front of his desk and sank down into it to the point where Minato could only see from his shoulders up. 

“Sensei!” Was that a whine that Minato heard in his student’s voice? “Don’t ever send me on a mission like that again! Even if the Daimyo requests me by name, just tell him that I’m out of the village or something.” 

Kakashi let out what sounded like a guttural groan. 

Minato raised an eyebrow. “So you aren’t two days late because you wanted to get back at me by purposely being late for the next mission that I wanted to assign to you?”

Immediately, Kakashi sat up straight. The change happened so quickly that Minato would have missed it if he blinked. Kakashi leaned forward, propping his elbows on the desk. Minato had never seen Kakashi’s eye so wide. 

“It was so horrible,” Kakashi began, the volume of his voice rising with each word. “When the mission ended, the Daimyo held me back because he wanted to play matchmaker. At first, it was okay because Yuna wasn’t interested in me either, but after I defeated some bandits, something changed.” At this point, Kakashi threw his hands frantically up in the air. “I don’t know what happened, but she kept making advances on me. And the Daimyo pulled rank on me to get me to stay for dinner, then dinner turned into two extra days. You don’t know how tired I am, Sensei. I spent the last two days hiding in random places in the palace so Yuna wouldn’t find me. When the Daimyo finally let me go, I ran straight back here.” 

It had been a while since Minato had seen his student so distraught over something. And that something was inconsequential in his opinion. 

Minato shrugged. “It’s not a bad thing, I think. It’s time for you to stop focusing solely on training and missions and get yourself a girlfriend. When I was your age, Kushina was pregnant with Naruto.” 

“What the hell, Sensei? I thought you would be on my side. I don’t need a girlfriend. Not everyone is going to be like you and marry their childhood crush. I don’t even have one.” 

Minato raised an eyebrow. “Is that so?” 

“Yes.” Exasperation was glaringly present in his voice. “You’ve known me since I was six. Have you ever seen me with a girl?” 

“Yes and that’s exactly the problem,” Minato stressed. “All I see you is with Icha Icha glued to your hands all the time. It’s time to start looking at the world now, rather than being stuck in a fictional world.” 

“What’s wrong with reading? It shows that I am expanding my knowledge.” 

“If only that knowledge wasn’t Jiraiya sensei’s novels,” Minato shot back. “You’ve read Icha Icha at least a hundred times by now that you’ve already memorized the entire story, line by line. It’s time to move on. Why read those books when you can potentially experience the real thing in your own life?” 

“It’s not my fault Jiraiya sama is taking so long to release the next book,” Kakashi muttered under his breath, sounding almost like a petulant child. 

Minato sighed. “I’m just looking out for you, Kakashi. You don’t want the Hatake line to end with you, right?” 

Kakashi huffed. “I don’t really care about that right now. I just want to be left in peace. That includes you, Sensei. Don’t even think about meddling into my life.” 

With that, Kakashi flash stepped out of his office before Minato could even respond to his warning. Not that Minato was concerned in the slightest. What could Kakashi do? Avoid him forever? 

Yeah, right. 

Spotting a familiar figure pass by his office through his open doors, Minato called out his chunin assistant’s name. The boy immediately backtracked, stepping into his office with a huge smile on his face. 

“Yes, Hokage sama? How can I help you?” 

Minato waved for Hitoshi to come closer to him. The boy did, walking right up to his desks.

“Last time, you told me something about your cousin going on blind dates…?” Minato prompted. Recognition flooded in Hitoshi’s eyes. 

“Yeah. There’s a new matchmaking shop that opened in Konoha. It’s really popular and I heard that since its opening, they have gotten quite good results. My cousin’s current boyfriend is one of the guys she was set up on a blind date with through that shop,” Hitoshi rambled, but halting. “But Hokage sama, why are you asking me about that?” 

Concern was etched all over Hitoshi’s face, almost like he had a growing suspicion that something had happened between Minato and Kushina. Minato laughed, waving off his worries. 

“It’s for my student.” 

Hitoshi’s mouth fell in the shape of an ‘o’ as he nodded in understanding. 

“Can you tell me more about how the matchmaking process works?” 

Hitoshi eagerly did. A devious grin slid on Minato’s face as he listened intently. 

This sounded like exactly what his student needed.

* * *

After receiving the mission file from Minato, Kakashi tucked the folder underneath his arm. Sliding his Anbu mask back into its rightful place, he leisurely took the time to stroll through the halls of the Hokage Tower towards the forbidden section, otherwise known to be the Anbu headquarters. 

There was no need to hurry. Half of his team had just hopped into the showers when he left for the Hokage’s office and knowing how much grime and sweat they had accumulated during their rough training session, it would be a while before they got out. 

Reaching for the folder tucked underneath his arm, Kakashi’s thumb jammed between the cover and the first page and lifted it upwards. The first page was his medical report, the only area flagged with concern was his Sharingan, like always. While his eye roved the page to see that nothing had changed since his last medical check up, he found himself arriving at the door to their locker room. 

Snapping the folder shut once more, Kakashi entered the room. Yugao was seated at the very end of the bench, sharpening her sword. Tenzo poked his head out from rummaging in his locker. Yoji briefly glanced up upon his arrival, but lowered his eyes back down to the book he was reading. 

The door clicked shut behind him. 

“How long until the other four are done?” 

Yoji’s eyes flickered up to the clock on the wall. “Should be soon.” 

Kakashi accepted his answer, making his way to his own locker. Putting in the combination, he twisted the lock open, revealing a stash of weapons, his back up Anbu uniform and metal guards, along with two pairs of plain clothing. 

Taking off his Anbu mask, Kakashi hooked it onto the hook on the door before he began to peel off all of his metal platings. After stripping down to just the black clothing he wore underneath his armor, Kakashi retrieved the standard navy blue shirt Konoha jonins wore and slid it over his head, followed by putting on his flak jacket. Dipping his head, Kakashi put his on his headband, tying the knot behind his head before tugging it downwards to cover his Sharingan. 

Right as Kakashi stashed his sword into the locker, the four other members of Team Ro emerged from the shower in various states of undress, ranging from just a towel to being fully dressed. 

Ko, who was the one wearing only a towel, flushed bright red when he spotted Yugao sitting in the corner. Tenzo snickered at his expense, amused as Ko grabbed the nearest set of clothes and scrambled to the bathroom to change. 

Yugao didn’t even bat an eye. 

Even though Yugao had joined their team for well over a year now, some of them still couldn’t quite get used to the idea of having a female on their team. The female locker room was separate from theirs, but Yugao hung out in the male one more often than not because it was easier to hold meetings when seven out of eight of them were here. 

When Ko returned, this time fully dressed, Kakashi cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention. All seven of them snapped to attention, lining up in neat rows of two, even though it was completely unnecessary. 

They were off duty. 

Kakashi held the folder up in the air, waving it around as he spoke. “I have your quarterly medical check up reports here. The medics highlighted some issues of concern, but there is nothing major as far as I can tell, but make sure you pay attention to it and not let it get worse. After you look over it, you can be dismissed.” 

Opening the folder, Kakashi took his medical report from the stack before handing the rest to Tenzo for him to distribute. The sound of sheets of paper rustling permeated the silence. Once they received their medical reports, all of them gave it a serious glance over. Some stuffed it into their locker while others folded it and pocketed it. Kakashi was among the latter. 

Seeing that no one else made a move to leave, which was quite strange, Kakashi opted to be the first to go and would have walked out the door when he heard Tenzo calling him. 

“Senpai, what is this?” Tenzo was intently staring at the piece of paper in his hands. 

“Akari Watanabe. Twenty four years old. Loves strolling leisurely in the park…” Tenzo began to read before Kakashi leapt over and snatched that accursed paper out of his hands. Soft snickers filled the room. 

Kakashi's jaw clenched tightly as his eye scanned the page, detailing a profile of this Akari person along with a picture attached. His gaze fell to the last line. 

Akari Watanabe and Kakashi Hatake match percentage: 83%. 

Hardly a second later, the paper turned into scraps that fluttered slowly to the ground. Kakashi’s lone eye narrowed as he knew exactly who was responsible for this. 

_Damn you, Sensei._

* * *

His sensei didn’t stop there. 

Kakashi had given him the benefit of a doubt and didn’t confront him after that embarrassing incident in the locker room. The wishful part of him thought that if Minato didn’t get a response, he would finally drop the matter. The other part of him knew his sensei was getting a kick out of watching him suffer, whether that was his intention or not. 

Those stupid dating profiles appeared everywhere, each time featuring a different girl. 

After arriving home after a long mission, all Kakashi wanted to do was take a shower and head straight into bed. However when he opened the front door of his apartment and stepped inside, he heard a crunch underneath his feet. Eyes widening as he spotted the accursed paper, Kakashi made the executive decision to burn the paper into ashes. 

Needless to say, his landlord hadn’t been too excited that Kakashi had accidentally set off the fire alarm in the process of doing so. 

Who knew fire alarms were that sensitive to fire jutsus? 

The third paper appeared in his Anbu issued locker. Kakashi slammed the door shut with such force that made everyone around him flinch. An incredible feat considering that they were all highly skilled shinobis. 

Later that day, Kakashi ordered Tenzo to fish the paper out of his locker. Tenzo did, holding out the paper to him. Kakashi backed away, wanting to keep the paper at arm’s length. 

“Burn it,” Kakashi hissed through gritted teeth. Tenzo innocently cocked his head to the side. 

“But I don’t know any fire jutsus, Senpai.” 

Kakashi muttered a string of curses under his breath. “Just get that _thing_ out of my sight.” 

After exchanging an amused glance with Yugao, Tenzo finally set off to do as he asked. Only when Tenzo left the room could Kakashi finally relax. 

Yugao shot him a questioning look. “Is it really that bad, taichou?” 

“Yes.” Why was that even a question? 

The fourth piece of paper was jammed in the window to the Hokage’s office. Like usual, Kakashi was about to enter through the window when he saw something white, fluttering in the wind. Upon closer inspection, he identified it to be that accursed paper. As fast as he possibly could, Kakashi turned tail and sprinted to the other side of the building to enter the proper way, through the front door. 

Minato couldn’t resist smirking when he spotted Kakashi entering through the doors. 

Would it be too unprofessional of him to tease his student about it? 

The answer was yes. Minato sighed; what a pity. It wasn’t everyday that he had the opportunity to see Kakashi so frazzled. What he found to be the most hilarious was that the root cause was a piece of paper. More specifically, a paper detailing potential matches for him. 

Minato didn’t even listen to Kakashi as he gave his mission report. All he could think about was reminding himself to thank Tenzo for revealing this secret to him. 

He bet Kakashi didn’t even know that his own subordinate sold him out. 

Being Hokage was fun sometimes. 

The fifth piece of paper rested on the base of the memorial stone. That was when Kakashi decided the prank was going too far. Of all the people, Kakashi expected Minato to understand what “limits” were. And to play a prank at a place that was considered so sacred pissed Kakashi off. It wasn’t even him that it affected, but also the hundreds of other people who came by to pay their respects for the numerous number of names carved onto that stone. 

Snatching the paper off of the memorial stone, Kakashi burnt it to a crisp with a simple fire jutsu. Then he stalked off, intending to march straight to Minato to finally confront him about this madness. 

And when he found his sensei in the middle of the marketplace with Kushina and ten year old Naruto, Kakashi turned tail and went back the way he had just come from. 

Kakashi might have felt brave for a single instance, but he wasn’t brave enough to test Kushina’s temper just yet. 

He would catch his sensei at another time. 

That “another time” turned into a week and Kakashi still hadn’t confronted him. Just to be safe, Kakashi made sure to avoid going to the memorial stone the entire week, but that didn’t stop him from finding fifteen more sheets of paper scattered all over his apartment. Kakashi summoned his pack, all eight of them, to sniff out the papers and tear them into pieces. 

At the very least, he could still count on his pack to be on his side. He didn’t even know who he could trust anymore, no thanks to his scheming sensei and traitor Tenzo. 

Damn all of them. 

When the monthly dinner day at the Namikaze’s house came around, Kakashi couldn’t really avoid it anymore, so he spent the entire week preparing himself to deal with whatever else Minato sensei had planned for him. It would be too naive of him to simply believe that his sensei wouldn’t take advantage of the opportunity to concoct some evil plan. 

With that in mind, Kakashi knew that he should plot something of his own too, but it was harder since it wasn’t his territory. And he knew that he would be under Kushina’s watchful eye the moment he entered the house since she didn’t nearly get to see him as often as she liked to. 

For the first time in his life, Kakashi went into something without a plan, not even a half assed, probably suicidal, completely idiotic sounding plan. 

Kakashi shook his head in disappointment. Look how far he had fallen, willingly to subject to whatever torture Minato was going to dish out at him. If there was one thing that Kakashi had learned over the years was that there was no winning against the Namikazes or Uzumakis. The last time he tried was when he rejected these monthly dinners and he had gone home with a black eye. 

Kakashi shuddered at the thought. Never again did he want to experience that. 

He cautiously eyed the entire door frame, trying to spot any hidden seals that Minato embedded. When he didn’t spot anything other than the normal seal that alerted the owner of a foreign presence in the house, Kakashi stepped through the threshold. 

Nothing happened. 

Kakashi stiffly took off his shoes, lining them up neatly by the door next to his sensei’s pair of sandals. 

Naruto ran off immediately after opening the door for him. Kakashi heard Kushina shouting from the kitchen for Naruto to stop running around the house, to which Naruto responded with a playful laugh. Minato sat on the couch with his nose buried in a scroll, trying to stay uninvolved between the mother and son conflict. 

It hadn’t been his brightest idea, but Kakashi had no idea what he was thinking when he decided to move to join his sensei in the living room. After inspecting the armchair thoroughly, Kakashi finally decided that there were no hidden traps. Stiffly, he sat down in the seat. 

Again, nothing happened. 

Minato barely even acknowledged his presence. 

“Sensei, we need to talk.” Now the words were out of his mouth, Kakashi couldn’t quit now. 

Minato raised an eyebrow, lowering the scroll to his lap. “Oh? What is that you wanted to talk about?” 

The way that Minato pretended to act innocent severely grated on his nerves. 

“You need to stop.” 

“Stop what?” 

“You know what you have been doing.” 

“I don’t know. Tell me, Kakashi, what have I been doing?” 

Kakashi clenched his teeth. “Those papers. Stop leaving them in my personal space. I’m never going to date any of them, so stop wasting your time and effort.” 

“That’s a big accusation to place on the Hokage, you know.” 

Kakashi scoffed. “Your scent is all over it. Even Pakkun confirmed that it was you.” 

“Fine, fine, I’ll admit that it was my doing. In my defense though, I’m just looking out for you, Kakashi. Some of your peers are already in relationships or have had relationships in the past, but you haven’t even tried. Look, when I was your age…”

“Kushina was already pregnant with Naruto,” Kakashi finished for him. “I know that already. You don’t have to pull that card on me everytime, Sensei. You have your thoughts, fine. But I’m going to tell you right now that I don’t care about finding a girlfriend right now. Why don’t you go bother Gai? He hasn’t dated either!” 

Kakashi was not impressed at how high pitched his voice rose by the end of his statement. 

Minato shot him a deadpanned look. “Gai isn’t my student, but you are. Stop trying to change the topic. At the rate that you are going, the Hatake line is going to end with you.” 

“Okay, what about Rin then? Why aren’t you bothering her instead?” 

“Well she has dated before, unlike you,” Minato pointed out. 

She has? Kakashi certainly didn’t know that. Did that make him a bad teammate considering they usually met up every two weeks? It was mostly to visit Obito, but still Kakashi liked to think that he knew his former teammate very well. 

Maybe not. 

Kakashi crossed his arms. “Fine. What is it going to take for you to stop this madness?” 

The moment that Kakashi gave the greenlight, Kakashi watched as Minato positively beamed at his words. Beamed. 

What. In. The. Hell. 

“Go on three dates.” Minato held his hand up right when Kakashi was about to interject. “That’s your only option. If you go on three dates, then I’ll leave you alone.” 

Kakashi groaned. 

“I have some rules to lay down as well,” Minato continued. “You can’t be late to the date or it doesn’t count towards your three.” Shoot, well there went all of his plans. “The date has to last at least an hour long. And I get to choose who to set you up with.” 

“Why do you get to choose? Isn’t that supposed to be my choice?” 

“Do you really think I don’t know you by now? If I let you have the choice, you will most definitely pick some stranger off of the streets who isn’t even interested in you.” 

Well, Minato wasn’t wrong. The fact that he knew him so well was a blessing and curse sometimes. Times like now. 

“Is that all?” 

“Well, you can have requests of course,” Minato added. “Like what type you prefer.”

Kakashi didn’t really think that Minato was going to set him up with some old lady as some sort of prank since he was quite invested in actually making this work, but just in case, Kakashi tacked on a few requests.

“She has to be my age. Not overly annoying or clingy. Can’t be too loud or talk too much. And uh, brunette.” There, that was a start. Brunette had been thrown in because most of the females in the dating profiles had hair colors other than brown. At least it’ll make Minato’s job a little bit harder. That, and well, the female lead in Icha Icha Paradise was a brunette, so why not? 

“Is that all?” 

“If I think of anything else, I’ll let you know.” 

Kakashi missed the tiniest hint of a smirk threatening to break out on Minato’s face. 

“Then it’s a deal.” 

“Deal.” 

Brunette, huh? Looks like Kakashi had conveniently forgotten about a certain brunette that was very much infatuated with him…

Minato: 2

Kakashi: 0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thanks for clicking on my story! Sorry if any of the formatting is weird, I tried to fix it all when I copied and pasted over. AU setting where Minato never died. Rin is alive - she'll make an appearance next chapter but Obito is still dead.
> 
> This was my first attempt at writing sort of crack/humor type story, so I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did! That being said, this is crack so don't take any of the characterizations seriously. :)
> 
> Thanks for reading! 2nd part of the story will be up soon. In the meantime, I look forward to hearing your thoughts. :)  
> -MM


	2. Chapter 2

By the end of the week, Kakashi received his first “mission” - he refused to call it for what it was supposed to be - from Minato. His sensei informed him of the time and place, reminded him once again that he couldn’t be late, then dismissed him from his Anbu duties three hours before the meet up. 

What the hell was he supposed to do for three hours? He had already paid Obito a visit this morning and he didn’t need any time to get ready. He planned on waltzing into the meet up in his jonin uniform because he couldn’t care less about the trivialities concerning proper dating etiquette. 

Speaking of proper dating etiquette...

An idea came to mind on how he was going to pass time. 

When Kakashi stopped in front of the hospital doors, he never imagined that he would willingly subject himself into coming to this place. Unfortunately, the person he was looking for treated this place like her second home, so chances of finding her here were likely. Tucking his hands into the pockets of his shinobi pants, Kakashi strolled in. 

His nose twitched when he caught a whiff of the strong antiseptic smell. For the sake of following through with his task, Kakashi ignored the small voice in the back of his head telling him to turn back and get the hell out. 

He was a shinobi; he could soldier through the painful period of time of having to inhale the antiseptic smell until his nose got accustomed to it. 

Kakashi took off towards the hallways, ignoring the receptionist at the front desk that called after him, inquiring if he needed help. As much as he hated to admit it, Kakashi had been here more times than he cared to count, thus he knew the layout of the place like the back of his hand. 

Just like he knew that the emergency surgery wing was located down the C hall - because that’s where he practically ended up every time he had to get his ass hauled in - and that Rin’s office was located at the very end of the hall. 

Ducking to the side, Kakashi allowed a group of medics to pass as they wheeled a bleeding person into one of the emergency rooms. 

Kakashi stopped in front of Rin’s office, rapping lightly on the door twice. Glancing downwards, he noted that there was no light filtering out from under the door. 

Probably busy. Kakashi had turned to leave when the door suddenly swung open. 

Rin didn’t even say anything. She simply left the door open for him and made her way back to her desk, rubbing her eyes along the way. She slumped down in her seat, looking like she was ready to bury her head in her hands again. 

The door closed with a soft click behind him. 

“Light?” 

“No,” Rin murmured. 

Kakashi took a seat in one of the empty chairs in front of her desk, cautiously eyeing his former teammate. Even though Rin was one of the kindest kunoichis around, even Kakashi knew it was an universal rule to not mess with kunoichis when they were in a terrible mood. 

“Ah, is this a bad time?” 

Rin lazily waved her hand in the air. Her head fell down onto the table; her cheek squished against her arm. 

“I’m just chakra depleted. Long surgery,” was her explanation. Kakashi wouldn’t know what to say in response to that, but luckily, Rin continued. “I’m surprised you showed up to the hospital without being hauled in. And didn’t you recently get your quarterly check up?” 

“Hai, hai. I’m not here for medical services. I’m here because I wanted to get your opinion on something.” 

Rin seemed to perk up slightly upon hearing those words. “About what?” 

“So you see…” Kakashi launched into the long winded explanation of how Minato managed to coerce him into attending those meetups. Rin nodded in the appropriate places to indicate that she was listening, even if she looked like she was on the verge of falling asleep again, but she never interrupted. He wrapped up his explanation by telling her that he had his first meeting tonight. 

When Kakashi finished, Rin couldn’t hold it in anymore. She bursted out laughing, laughing so hard that by the end of it, there was a dull ache in her ribs. 

“Thanks for waking me up,” Rin told him in between chuckles. “I really needed that.” 

“I’m glad you find my predicament to be so amusing,” Kakashi deadpanned, crossing his arms over his chest defensively. He leaned back against his chair as he waited for Rin’s laughter to subside. 

“Okay, okay. I’ll stop now.” The huge smile on her face along with the slight shaking of her shoulders indicated that Rin was trying her hardest to hold in her laughter. 

“So what did you want my opinion on?” 

Finally, back to the actual matter at hand. 

“From a female’s perspective, what things do guys do that annoy you on a date?” 

Rin shot him an incredulous look. “Are you trying to sabotage your date?” 

Kakashi returned a look of his own that clearly stated, Duh. 

“And you think I’m going to help you with that?” 

He shrugged. “Well I don’t know. It was either you or Yugao and if I asked Yugao, undoubtedly, my entire Anbu team would know and they would never let me live it down. If you don’t want to help me that’s fine, but I figured you might because we used to be on Team Minato together and all Sensei ever preached about was working as a team, right?” 

“So you want to work as a team to get back at Sensei?” 

Kakashi nodded. 

“Hmm, I might be interested, but I have a request. No more sneaking out of the hospital before you are cleared to go.” 

The fact that Kakashi agreed to it without hesitation showed how desperate he was. Kakashi was not proud of himself for that and vowed to get back at Minato in the worst way that he could possibly think of. 

By the time Kakashi left the hospital, Rin had filled his head with all sorts of ideas. There was a reason that she had been the brains of Team Minato, although Kakashi never knew her brain could be used for stuff like this. Not that he was complaining. 

Kakashi strolled into the sushi bar a minute before six. He would have walked in right on time, but he feared that might cause him to be late and as much as he wanted to piss off the girl by being late, he didn’t want to subject himself to an additional date. Such a pity since arriving late had been at the top of Rin’s list of things that females hated. 

Like Minato instructed, Kakashi told the waitress that he had a reservation for two under his name. The waitress nodded in understanding, leading him to a booth in the very corner of the restaurant. 

The girl was already seated, with her back facing him. Yet Kakashi couldn’t help but feel that this girl looked vaguely familiar, although he couldn’t quite place her from his memories. Waving the waitress off when she asked if he wanted anything to drink, Kakashi walked towards the booth. 

Mustering the fakest smile that he could, not that she could see since he had his mask on, Kakashi slid into the seat across from her. 

“Kakashi san, you’re here.” That voice…

He looked up. Never in his life was he more thankful that he wore a mask so she couldn’t see that his mouth dropped wide open as he registered exactly who was sitting right across from him. Why couldn’t he have been wrong about this person being familiar? 

“Yuna san,” Kakashi greeted through gritted teeth all while pretending to still be polite. Fuck him, he thought he had gotten rid of her for good after that dreadful mission. 

“Just Yuna is fine,” she told him with a huge smile on her face. “Are you ready to order? Or did you want extra time to look at the menu?” 

In the beginning, Kakashi was somewhat grateful that Minato picked a restaurant that he actually liked, now he just hated his sensei for ruining his experience at this restaurant. There was no way he could ever walk into this restaurant and look at it the same way again. 

“I’m good,” Kakashi told her, motioning with his hands to catch the attention of one of the waiters. The waiter immediately came over to their table. Plucking the pen from his ear, he flipped to a new page on his notepad. Yuna glanced at Kakashi, but he simply leaned back against his seat and gestured for her to order first. 

The waiter turned to him. “And for you, sir?” 

“Just a glass of water.” 

The waiter gave him a puzzled look. “Nothing else?”

“Nothing else,” Kakashi confirmed, handing over his unopened menu. The waiter accepted his outstretched menu, tucking it underneath his arm before retreating to the kitchen. The moment the waiter was out of earshot, Yuna turned to him. 

“You didn’t order anything. Why?” 

“I already ate before I came.” A blatant lie, but she would never know if he managed to keep his stomach under control. It wouldn’t be too much of a challenge; he had gone on longer without eating before. 

Yuna’s forehead creased. “But you knew that you were going to be eating dinner with me, so why did you eat beforehand?” 

Kakashi didn’t bother to correct her on the fact he didn’t know it was going to be her because if he did, he would have forfeited attending this meetup. 

The waiter came by to deliver his water, giving him a few extra seconds to come up with a believable lie. Kakashi nodded his thanks at him. He could only watch sadly as the waiter turned his back on him and left; a small part of him wanted him to never leave so that he could avoid being alone with Yuna. 

But now that he was here, Kakashi was damned if he didn’t make it through the hour. If he was going to suffer, then at least it was going to count for one of the three. 

“Well my teammates invited me out and I couldn’t really refuse. It’s rare that we get the opportunity to hang out in a relaxing environment, so I didn’t want to pass that up.”

There, now Minato sensei couldn’t say that he was incapable of making good excuses. He could, he just didn’t want to be bothered when he knew Sensei wouldn’t believe him either way. 

Yuna nodded. “I see. So your teammates are important to you?” 

Kakashi inwardly scoffed. Of course she would never know considering she wasn’t a shinobi. Normally he wouldn’t have bothered responding to such a stupid question, but one glance at the clock told him he was seven minutes in. Only fifty three more to go. 

He could do this. 

“Yes.” 

“Will you tell me more about them?” 

So he did by painfully and agonizingly describing all of them, one by one, down to the most nuisance details. About three fourth of what came out of his mouth was fake, he reused his undercover alias profiles to talk about his team, since he didn’t know them that well personally. 

By the time Kakashi reached the third member, he noted that Yuna’s eyes had glazed over, a sign of boredom. He smirked. 

At the fifth member, the waiter delivered their meals. The transformation was immediate, Yuna perked up, grabbing the plates from the waiter’s hands eagerly. Breaking her chopsticks, Yuna began to eat while Kakashi continued to mechanically drone on. 

After finishing the sixth member, Kakashi glanced at the clock hanging from the wall. Only twenty minutes had passed. Deciding that he needed to waste more time, Kakashi talked about two more nonexistent members of his team. Yuna was content to eat while completely tuning him out.

Itachi wasn’t on his team anymore, but he talked about him anyways. 

Tenzo’s description took the longest as Kakashi gave her an exaggerated version of how he saved him from the darkness. Yuna looked slightly more interested in hearing his story until the exaggeration became completely unrealistic. She went back to being bored. 

When Tenzo’s description was finished, Yuna was halfway through finishing her food. Swallowing her food, she opened her mouth to speak, but Kakashi didn’t give her the opportunity to interrupt by plowing straight to talking about Yugao. 

He didn’t miss the opportunity to compliment Yugao every chance that he got; according to Rin, females hated hearing their date drone on about another girl. When he watched Yuna’s expression turn from bored to sour, Kakashi made a mental note to thank Rin for her sagely advice. 

It worked. 

Thirty three minutes in, Kakashi had finally finished talking about his team. 

“Are you done?” Irritation was blatantly present in her voice. Kakashi resisted the urge to snicker. 

“Maa, sorry. My team is really important to me so I thought you should get to know them. But that’s just my current team, I have another team-” 

“No, I’m not interested in hearing about your team,” Yuna flat out told him. “I didn’t come here to listen to you talk about people that I don’t even know.” 

Her patience was wearing thin. Kakashi would relish in satisfaction if not for the fact that he had twenty five more minutes to stall until he could piss her off. 

So he conceded, for now. “What do you want to talk about then?” 

Her annoyance subsided, just a bit. 

Kakashi found himself roped into playing a game of twenty questions, where he tried to grate on Yuna’s nerves by giving the vaguest answer that he could possibly think of. Regardless of how hard he tried, Yuna seemed a lot happier than in the first half of their meeting. 

_Probably because she finally got to talk about herself,_ Kakashi thought to himself, completely exasperated. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go, at all. 

At the forty five minute mark, Yuna’s plate was almost clear save for a few pieces and it was Kakashi’s turn to ask a question. 

“What do you like about me anyways?” There. Whatever she said, Kakashi would just need to do the exact opposite. 

“You’re straightforward. Most people would try to appease my father, but you don’t have any qualms about telling him what you think.” Okay, that would be hard to dispute considering he spent two days on his mission being especially vocal about his opinions. Maybe the next one. 

“You’re also a very capable shinobi,” Yuna continued. “The way you took down the four enemies made it seem so effortless.” 

“They’re just bandits,” Kakashi pointed out. Yuna ignored him. 

“I asked around and it seems that you have quite a reputation in the Land of Fire. Kakashi of the Sharingan, isn’t it?” Well, he couldn’t exactly erase his reputation could he? 

In the end, Kakashi decided to be frank with her. In all fairness, Yuna was quite a nice girl although slightly delusional since she thought they could work out. Aside from that, Kakashi knew she wasn’t one to put up with anyone’s bullshit. It was a miracle that she had indulged him for so long. 

“You like honesty, don’t you?” 

Yuna nodded. 

“I’m just going to tell you directly that we would never work out.” Yuna’s expression didn’t change in the slightest. “I’m a Konoha shinobi and you’re the Daimyo’s daughter. I could never give up my career to become a civilian and you are the only child so you are the sole heir to his position.” 

There was no way she could possibly refute that. 

“I understand what you are saying.” Oh thank Kami, Yuna was a reasonable person after all. “But I’m not the heir.” 

“You’re not?” 

Yuna nodded. “Long ago, I told my father that I didn’t want to take over his position, so he has been grooming someone else to take over. I’ve been wanting to move out of the palace anyways and I have been looking at places in Konoha. During our last trip here, I tagged along to visit. The village is nice, but it’ll be even better if I have a reason to stay…” 

Oh no, that was not how the conversation was supposed to go. 

Kakashi was saved from answering when the waiter showed up with the check. Nodding his thanks, Kakashi took the check from the waiter’s hands. 

And then promptly set the check in front of Yuna. 

Fifty nine minutes. One more to go. 

“What’s the meaning of this?” Yuna asked, gesturing angrily towards the check. Unintentionally, Kakashi had distracted her from expecting a response to her previous confession. 

“What do you mean?” From the way anger flashed in her eyes, Kakashi knew that she thought he was acting dumb. But truthfully, Kakashi had no idea what was wrong with her. 

Sixty minutes. Would it be rude if he teleported out of the restaurant right now? 

“Stop trying to play dumb. Why are you handing me the check?” 

“What’s wrong with that? You ate, you pay.” 

She emitted a strangled noise from the back of her throat. “Yes, but it’s a _date_.”

“So?” 

“Urgh!” Yuna threw her hands up in the air. “Just when I thought you were quite chivalrous, you showed me exactly what a bastard you are!” 

Snatching the check off of the table along with her purse, Yuna stormed off leaving behind a very confused, but very smug Kakashi. He wasn’t quite sure what he did to piss her off, but he made a mental note to ask Rin later. 

And filed that tactic in his archive of tactics for later use. 

One down, two more to go.

* * *

Minato stayed late to finish his last stack of paperwork, but if he had known that an angry female would storm into his office right as he was about to get off, he would have gone home earlier. And to her, his status as the Hokage meant nothing, so Minato was subjected to listening to Yuna rant about his student. 

Minato resisted the urge to bury his face into the palm of his hands. The only reason that he remotely listened to her complaints was because he wanted to find a reason to disqualify this date from counting towards his three, considering how much of a disaster it turned out to be. Unfortunately among the long list of complaints, there was no mention of Kakashi being late. 

“It was the most miserable hour of my life, Hokage!” Minato sighed; it looked like Kakashi had fulfilled both requirements. 

He tuned out the rest of what she was saying as his mind wracked for a way to interject and make her leave so he could finally go home. Politely, of course because he respected her father. 

When Yuna took a moment to catch her breath, Minato saw that as his opportunity. 

“Look Yuna san, I understand that you are angry and I’m sorry that it didn’t work out the way that you want it to, but-” 

Unfortunately, Yuna cut him off. “I don’t want an apology, Hokage! You told me that your student is polite when that couldn’t be further from the truth!” 

“Well obviously I can’t speak for other people,” Minato responded firmly. “But to me, he is polite and I have seen that he respects his comrades. I’m sorry that your experience was different, but that is not within my control and complaining about it to me can’t change that fact. There is nothing that I can do for you.” 

While Minato was normally a patient man, Yuna was grating on his nerves. It took every ounce of his self control to not say anything insulting to her, but really, all Minato wanted to do was go home. 

It was ridiculous that he was actually on Kakashi’s side this time; maybe a part of him could understand why Kakashi didn’t want to go on these blind dates. Only a small part though. 

Yuna huffed. “Whatever. I can see where he got his manners from.” 

With that parting insult, Yuna stomped out of his office, making sure to enunciate every single one of her angry footsteps. Minato chuckled at her childish antics; by the end of it, her feet would hurt more than it would bother him. 

Good riddance. 

The following day, Minato summoned Kakashi to his office. Like always, Kakashi arrived three hours after he had sent the messenger out to track him down. The most peculiar thing was that his student always had an uncanny knack of knowing whether he was being summoned for a mission or not without the message explicitly stating it, and he always arrived on time for missions and came late for everything else. 

Minato shook his head. There were some things that he was just better off not questioning. 

After Kakashi hopped through the window, he skipped the greeting. “The meeting last night better count. I didn’t arrive on time and spend an hour in her presence for you to screw me over.” 

Minato rolled his eyes. “Hai, hai. I’m an honest man. Do you really think that lowly of me?”

Kakashi blinked innocently. “Well considering you coerced me into doing this, yes. And of all the females that you could have picked, you chose her! Sensei, you clearly knew that I don’t like her, at all.” 

This time, it was Minato’s turn to act innocent. “She was a perfect fit for your criteria.” 

Kakashi grumbled something unintelligible under his breath. 

“Fine, but I have two more conditions. She has to live in Konoha and she has to be a kunoichi. No more civilians.” 

Minato readily agreed. At the very least, a citizen of Konoha would respect his position as Hokage and there wouldn’t be a repeat of what happened last night. 

“What happened last night?” 

Whoops, Minato didn’t mean to say that aloud, but now that Kakashi heard him, Minato had no choice to tell him. So he did, all while watching Kakashi’s bored expression turned into an amused one as Minato became more agitated the further into recounting the incident he was. By the end of it, Kakashi was flat out laughing at him showing absolutely no remorse. 

He was the one who caused it to happen in the first place! 

“Looks like your plan backfired, huh.” Kakashi flashed him a mock two finger salute before hurriedly throwing some lame excuse as to why he had to leave. As he climbed out the window, Kakashi continued to snicker, just loud enough for Minato to hear him. 

Minato’s jaw clenched as he watched his student leave. For now, Minato conceded, but he swore that he was going to get him back. 

Speaking of...it was time to find the next candidate. 

Minato: 2

Kakashi: 1

* * *

As expected, his sense didn’t make the same mistake twice. According to Rin, there was an unspoken rule that the male was expected to pay for the food on a date, especially if the male was the one to invite the female out and Kakashi supposed it was he who was doing the “inviting.” Although he still didn’t really understand why he should have to pay when he literally didn’t eat a single thing. 

Maybe he had gotten too used to trying to pawn off the bill to Tenzo when his team went out to eat that he had forgotten what proper etiquette was. 

Unfortunately, Kakashi couldn’t use that trick again since Minato had gotten smarter and assigned their meeting for the middle of the afternoon at the park. 

The park. What the hell were they supposed to do? Take a walk around the park and listen to each other talk about their likes, dislikes, hobbies, and dreams? No thanks. 

Kakashi managed to finally catch Rin around lunch time after loitering around the hospital for the past two hours because that was exactly how desperate he was for ideas when his mind was drawing a blank. Before she could even protest, he dragged her away from the hospital. Along the way, Rin kept telling him that she was busy, but allowed him to tug her along. 

“No matter how busy you are, you still need to eat.” 

“It’s not even my lunch break yet.” 

“Just move up your lunch break. I really need your help.” 

Rin shot him a look. “Fine. You have half an hour and you’re paying.” 

Kakashi instantly agreed, since he had been planning to pay for her meal anyways, as a show of his gratitude. The moment they were seated in Ichiraku, Kakashi began to describe his current predicament. There was simply no time to waste. 

“So what’s wrong with doing what you did last time? You told me Yuna got irritated when you kept droning on about your teammates, right?” 

“Yes,” Kakashi answered, exasperated. “But there won’t be food to stay around for this time and in general, kunoichis tend to put up with less bullshit.” 

“Well it’s your fault for designating that you wanted a kunoichi as your date this time.” 

Kakashi rolled his lone eye. “I thought it would make it harder for Sensei to find someone that fit all of my qualities. I didn’t think he would find someone that quickly.” 

“He’s the Hokage,” Rin pointed out in a “duh” tone of voice. “He has all the resources at his fingertips. What about sparring with her?” 

Kakashi shot her a blank look. “She’s a chunin. I’m trying to scare her off, not beat her up.” 

“You’re so full of yourself. Maybe she’ll actually give you a challenge.” Upon receiving no reaction from Kakashi, Rin conceded. “Fine, fine. Anyways, I thought you had a lot of ideas after all the advice I told you last time.” 

“I did, but all that stuff you told me about isn’t applicable. Like stuff about talking with food in my mouth, burping after eating...not that I would even eat in front of them.” Among the small group of people that Kakashi cared about, there were two kinds of people. The first group included Rin, who respected him enough to look away when they ate together. The second group included Tenzo, who would try to sneak a peek at his face, but failed every single time and that made eating with them slightly more entertaining. And even if they happened to see his face by accident, Kakashi was comfortable enough with them that it wouldn’t bother him too much. 

There was no third group that entailed eating with strangers and letting them see his face. 

Their bowls of ramen arrived while Rin pondered over his words. 

“Are you sure you just can’t endure it for an hour?” 

Just at the mere thought of it, Kakashi groaned. “I would rather not. Think about it, what else bothers you?” 

“Well I guess it doesn’t really bother me in particular, but some of my coworkers complain all the time that their boyfriends don’t really pay attention when they are talking. I don’t really get the big deal because there’s research that male brains tend to be more focused on one thing at a time, so it’s not like they’re doing it on purpose.” 

Something clicked in his head. Combined with something that Rin told him last time, Kakashi knew exactly what he was going to do. 

“Thanks Rin. I know what I’m going to do.’ 

Skepticism was written all over her face, but Kakashi couldn’t wait to prove her wrong. 

When Kakashi finished all the preparations to execute his plan, he headed straight to the park. As his eye scanned his surroundings, Kakashi didn’t seem to spot anyone fitting Akane’s description. No lone brunette hanging around like she didn’t quite know what to do. Most everyone there was in larger groups like they came with the entire family, except for the one couple lounging underneath the big oak tree. 

No Akane. 

Well, Kakashi had to admit it was kind of weird to be the one doing the waiting for once, but it couldn’t be helped since he was early. It wasn’t even that early, only by five minutes, so why wasn’t Akane here yet? 

He strolled around the park to kill some time. 

Two minutes after the supposed meet up time, Kakashi scaled up a tree and settled himself onto one of the branches. It allowed him a decent vantage to spot Akane when she arrived and it kept the kids from bothering him every three seconds. It was a good plan until Kakashi promptly fell asleep out of sheer boredom of waiting. 

There was nothing to do, not even a simple mission to keep watch to reel him in. 

“Kakashi san?” 

His eye snapped open to stare down at the source of the disruption. 

“You’re...Akane?” 

The girl nodded sheepishly. “Ah sorry for you making you wait, it’s just that I heard a lot of rumors that you’re always late so I figured I would arrive later so that I don’t have to wait as long. I really didn’t expect that you would show up on time.” 

That was the lamest excuse Kakashi had ever heard, not that he could outright say that to her. Even back in the day when he used to be on time, Kakashi was always on time despite knowing that Obito was always going to be late. 

But his hour started now and Kakashi was damned if he was going to waste all the time that he spent waiting for her. 

He hopped down from the branch, landing deftly in front of her. 

Akane shot him a sheepish smile. “I hope you don’t mind.” 

It looked like Kakashi was just going to have to dive right into his plan rather than beating around the bush. 

“I don’t,” Kakashi lied, not that she could tell. Serving the Anbu for over a decade had made him an expert liar. “However, I just got back from a long term mission, so my apartment is such a mess and I still have my mission report to write…” 

“Oh. Did you want to change to another time then? I promise that I won’t show up late next time.” 

“No, no I figured that, if you don’t mind, we can go to my place and we can talk while I clean. Then we can grab dinner afterwards.” If everything worked according to plan, the dinner portion would not be happening. 

Akane nodded. “Sure!” 

The walk to his apartment took ten minutes; luckily Akane filled up nine of those ten minutes with her mindless chatter while Kakashi inserted responses at the appropriate times to seem like he was listening when he really was spacing out. 

When they reached his apartment, Kakashi pretended to not be able to find his key to stall for an extra minute and a half. The door swung open, revealing exactly how messy his apartment was. Dirty clothes strewn everywhere. Unwashed dishes were left on the table. Trash was thrown haphazardly all over his floor. 

The only thing his apartment lacked was flies, but considering how Kakashi spent the hour before their meetup time to upturn his apartment, it hadn’t been long enough to attract the flies yet. 

Kakashi felt an odd sense of satisfaction when he saw Akane’s mouth gape open, even though he was just as disgusted by the sight as she was. His apartment had never been that messy, but for the sake of his plan, he would deal with it. 

“Is your apartment always like this?” Akane hesitantly asked, almost like she couldn’t quite believe her eyes. 

“Ah no. Sorry about the mess.” Not. “Like I said, I haven’t had the time to clean since I got back. Come in.” 

Kakashi headed immediately to the kitchen, which was completely spotless because it was hidden from her view, to grab her a glass of water. Pouring the water had taken him less than a minute but when he poked his head out, he saw that Akane was slowly making her way to the living room. Her progress was slowed as she tried to step wherever she could see the floor, like she was trying to make her way through a landmine. 

It might as well have been one. 

When Akane finally made her way to the couch, her gaze flickered between the dirty shirt that draped over half of the couch and the throw blanket that covered the other half of the couch. Slowly lifting the blanket by the very edge of her fingers, Akane moved the blanket over to clear a spot for her on the couch. 

Then she sat down. 

By the five minute mark, Kakashi emerged from the kitchen with the glass of water in his hands like he hadn’t spent way longer than necessary. Not that Akane would notice exactly how much time had passed since it took her such a long time to even get to the couch. Kakashi set the glass down on the table in front of her. 

Akane stared at the glass like it was diseased. 

“Don’t worry, the glass is clean.” 

Skepticism still remained on her face. 

“Well I’m going to go clean now,” Kakashi said, jerking his finger in the direction of his bedroom. “We can talk about whatever.” 

“Uh okay.” 

So far so good. 

Kakashi disappeared into his bedroom, which was completely spotless, knowing that Akane wouldn’t follow, especially with the mess out in the hallway. The beginning of their conversation was quite awkward as Akane was completely put off by the state of his apartment. It sounded like she was staying for the sake of being polite, which Kakashi was totally counting on to make his one hour. 

She didn’t disappoint. 

After fifteen minutes of laying on his bed and doing nothing other than answering Akane’s inquiries, Kakashi forced himself to get up. It was time to actually clean and if he timed it right, he could finish cleaning by the end of the hour. And then he would have a clean apartment and a finished date. 

It sounded like a plan. 

As Kakashi predicted, Akane did go for the likes, dislikes, hobbies, and dreams route, so Kakashi answered so vaguely that she could only base her next questions off of the one thing he did say of substance: he liked training. 

Just as well, it was a topic that he could answer without having to make up lies. Well, for the most part. 

“I heard that you are a jonin. Do you have a genin team?” 

“Nope.” It had been right at the tip of his tongue to tell her that he was working for the Anbu, but he remembered that she didn’t have the clearance to know that, so he swallowed those words. “I’m just a regular jonin. What about you?” 

The question was tacked on just so Kakashi could go a few minutes without having to talk. While Akane answered, he tuned her out and continued to pick up all the trash off of the ground. 

He only caught the last half of her last sentence, so he latched onto that. “...want to be a jonin sensei.” 

“So are you planning on taking the jonin exams?” 

Huh, Kakashi was quite good at this listening-but-not-really-listening thing. 

And the process continued. Kakashi would catch a couple key words in Akane’s lengthy response and base his next inquiry off of that or Akane would ask him a question and he would answer in the vaguest way possible. 

He was never going to see the girl again, but that didn’t mean he wanted her to know about his life. 

At the end of the hour, Kakashi had finished cleaning. At the same time, he finally messed up when he heard Akane calling his name for the nth time. After one glance at the clock, Kakashi smirked under his mask. 

He turned towards her. “Hmm, did you say something?” 

Her eyebrows knitted in confusion. “Uhm, yes I did. Did you not hear a single thing that I just said?” 

Kakashi flashed her the most innocent look that he could muster. “No?” 

Akane’s eyes narrowed. “Were you even listening this entire time? I noticed that you seem to ignore everything but the last sentence? Like I would ask multiple questions and you would only answer the last one. And I was telling you that my friend wanted to be a jonin sensei, but yet you asked me if I was going to take the jonin exams.” 

Oops, looks like he hadn’t been as good at the listening thing like he thought, but oh well. His hour was up. 

“Truthfully, no.” Ah that did it. Kakashi watched Akane’s expression turn from confused to angry. 

“Why? You’re the one who invited me over here to talk.” 

Kakashi shrugged. “Maa, sorry. I thought I could multitask, but it turns out that I’m so focused on cleaning that I tune out most of what you say.” 

Akane abruptly stood up. “You never even wanted to go on this date, did you? If you really cared, you wouldn’t have put in so little effort. Ugh, I had enough of your shit. I only stayed as long as I did because I felt bad for being late, but clearly, you deserve no remorse.” 

She stormed out of his apartment, not even bothering to close the door behind her. 

Success. 

Kakashi only hoped that he would never be placed on the same team as her; that would be a recipe for disaster. 

Two down, one more to go.

* * *

Minato placed the matchmaking request for Kakashi’s third and final date, adding his additional condition that the match had to be a jonin. He suspected the request came simply to make Minato’s search even harder, not because he actually cared about status, but Minato would be damned if he couldn’t find a match. 

He was the Hokage, for Kami’s sake. 

Yet when a week passed with no response from the matchmaker, which was quite strange since the turnaround time had been less than three days previously, Minato took it upon himself to take a trip down to the shop. Perhaps, the shop was busy and had simply forgotten. 

The bells trinkled over his head as Minato stepped through the threshold of the doorway. A young girl sat at the front desk, the daughter if Minato remembered correctly. At the noise, her head jerked up from the book she was reading, eyes widening in recognition before she hopped off the stool. 

“Kaa san! Hokage sama is here!” 

Her mother, Misaki, appeared from the back room barely a few moments after her daughter called her. Passing by her, Misaki took the opportunity to whack the back of her head. 

“What did I tell you about yelling?” Misaki scolded. Her daughter scowled, lightly rubbing the back of her head with her right hand. When Misaki turned to address Minato, he spotted the young girl rolling her eyes before she plopped back down on the stool. 

Misaki’s entire demeanor changed as she approached him. “What can I do for you today, Hokage sama?” 

“I came by to see if you made any progress with the third match.” 

Misaki pondered for a few moments before understanding dawned on her. 

“Ah yes. Kakashi Hatake, right?” 

Minato nodded, smiling at her. Misaki didn’t return his smile, a frown was etched across her face. 

“Is something the matter?” Minato prompted. 

“If I recall, I haven’t found his match yet,” Misaki informed him. “In fact, there’s something strange about it…Wait here, let me go find his file.” 

Misaki rounded behind the counter, ushering her daughter out of the way so that she could have full access to the shelving underneath the counter. Squatting down so that only the very top of her head was still within view, Minato waited as the sound of rustling papers filled his ears. In the meantime, he made eye contact with her daughter, giving her a slight head nod out of courtesy. 

She returned the greeting, but didn’t seem inclined to engage in any small talk. Her eyes wandered off to stare at the pictures on the wall. 

Misaki stood up, a manila folder in tow. She placed the folder on the counter, waving for Minato to come closer. 

Rapidly, Misaki flipped through the contents of the folder, which had gotten surprisingly thick since the last time Minato had seen it. 

“Ah yes, I remember now,” Misaki commented thoughtfully, her finger sliding across the page. “It’s very strange. It’s not that I cannot find a match for him, but rather, his matches decline when they see his profile.” 

“That’s unusual?” 

“Well not really,” Misaki clarified. “Obviously, not every match will be accepted; however, he has an unusually high rejection rate compared to the previous times. See.” Misaki flipped through the pages. “I keep records of everything for analysis purposes. Last time, there were a few rejections, around three or four, but for the third time, so far, all of his matches have rejected him.” 

“How many?” Minato asked as his eyes watched Misaki thumb through the stack of paper. 

“Around fifteen already. And as you know my shop is more popular among civilians, so there are very few jonin kunoichis, much less ones that fit his requirements. If I recall correctly, they didn’t spend much time on his file before they rejected the match.” 

“Hmm, that’s interesting. Do you know why?”

“Ah yes, I keep a record of their comments as to why they reject the match so I can use the information to create better matches in the future. Let’s see.” Misaki flipped to the very last page and pulled it out of the folder. “Here it is. There’s not much.” 

She flipped the paper so that it was upside right from Minato’s view. Most of the comments were pretty generic and short, but there was one in particular that caught his eye. 

_Looks are deceiving! He’s a messy slob and apparently, he doesn’t even pay attention to anything that you say to him._

The second part might be true, but a messy slob? Kakashi couldn’t be further from that; his apartment was even cleaner than Minato’s. 

Minato slid the paper back to Misaki. “Thank you for your help, but I’ll take care of the third match. Send the bill to the Hokage’s Tower, alright?” 

Misaki nodded, taking back the paper and tucking it back in its rightful place. After exchanging their respective farewells, Minato left the shop. 

The bells trinkled merrily above him. 

A messy slob...Minato needed to find out what that was all about. 

Turns out he didn’t need to look too far. On his way back to his office, he spotted three females huddled together near the end of the hallway, gossiping under their breaths. If he was correct, one was from T&I and the other two worked in administrative roles. 

The black haired girl was the first to spot him coming and discreetly nudged her companions to stop talking. All three of them snapped to attention, flashing him guilty smiles when they realized that his gaze was on them. 

The red head was the only one brave enough to speak. “Sorry Hokage sama. We’ll be getting back to our posts.” 

The three of them tried to scurry past him, but Minato held out a hand, halting their movements. 

“Hold on a moment. What were you talking about?” Minato could have sworn he heard his student’s name mixed in the conversation although he didn’t catch the context. 

The red head opened her mouth to answer, but faltered. Catching her companion’s gazes, she sought their support. The blonde nodded her support, while the black haired girl shot her a reassuring smile. She lightly patted the red head on the back. 

“You see, Hokage sama. It’s just a bunch of gossip between women. There’s nothing of interest.” The red head chuckled nervously. Her eyes darted everywhere but on him. 

“Relax. I thought I heard my student’s name, so I was just merely curious.” 

“You didn’t hear wrong. It is about Kakashi san,” the blonde rushed out, her words jumbling together that made Minato really have to listen to decipher what she was saying. “There’s a rumor that’s been going around. Apparently one of the kunoichis went on a date with him not too long ago and it was a complete disaster. She’s warning everyone to stay away from him. Half of the people think she’s lying because everyone knows that Kakashi san has never dated, while half of the people are disgusted.” 

“Disgusted?” 

The blonde nodded her head vigorously. “Apparently, his apartment is a complete mess. Like really dirty.” 

That might explain the “slob” part but in his memories, he had never seen his apartment in any other state other than tidy. And it hadn’t been that long ago when Minato broke into his apartment to scatter the dating profiles at his place. 

“And she said that he didn’t listen to a single word that she said,” the black haired girl tacked on. “He was the one who invited her over, but he just spent the entire time cleaning and ignoring her.” 

“But supposedly, the fact that he is looking for a date is true,” the red head offered. “I heard from a few kunoichis that he is one of the options for a match at that matchmaker shop in town, but they turned it down when they saw his name.” The red head visibly shuddered. “Nobody wants to date a man like that.” 

All three of them nodded their heads in sync. It would have been a weird sight, if not for the fact that Minato was more focused on all the information that he gleaned from this conversation. 

He clenched his jaw. 

So his student was the reason why he was unable to find a third match for him. Minato narrowed his eyes. Kakashi may have won here, but his victory was only going to be temporary if Minato had it his way. 

Challenge accepted. 

Minato: 2

Kakashi: 2

* * *

“I can’t believe you made Sensei issue out a B ranked mission just for the sake of finding your third date,” Rin managed to get out in between her laughter. “This is hilarious.” 

At least one of them was amused. Kakashi stared blankly as laughter wracked Rin’s entire body, forcing her to bend forward at one point, arm cradling her stomach. This continued for the next three minutes until her laugh subsided, replaced by the occasional chuckle and hiccup. 

Kakashi could have sworn he saw tears in the corner of her eyes. 

“It’s not that funny,” Kakashi stated, crossing his arms over his chest. That comment seemed to evoke another bout of laughter. 

Rin raised her hand, pointing at him. “You sound like a petulant child.” 

He resisted the urge to roll his eye. “I’m not a child.” 

“Aw, come on, don’t be such a brat,” Rin said. She poked him twice in the arm. “It’s just payback for all the times that you made fun of me for doing something. It’s rare that I get an opportunity like this, so just let me enjoy it.” 

“Don’t call me a brat.” 

Rin leaned forward, waving her finger in his face until Kakashi got annoyed and swatted it away. “See! That tone of voice right there makes you sound like one.” 

“Whatever. Why are you here anyways?” 

Kakashi was taken aback by Rin’s sudden movement that ended up with her getting right in his face. 

“What are you doing?” 

Rin didn’t answer him. Instead, her hand reached out to push his forehead protector off of his forehead. The back of her hand pressed against his forehead. Kakashi pushed her hand away and yanked his forehead protector back in its rightful place. 

“There’s nothing wrong with me,” Kakashi stated through gritted teeth. Rin backed away from him, plopping back down in her spot on the grass. 

“Are you sure? You’re usually not this forgetful. You’re the one who invited me, remember? What happened to ‘when you get off of your shift, come find me at Training Ground 6’?” 

Kakashi glared at her. “That was before I knew you were just going to tease me the entire time.” 

“Fine, I’ll stop. You’re no fun sometimes. What did you want to tell me?” 

“Despite all of the rumors, someone still agreed to take the mission. It’s not you, right?” 

Rin shrugged. “Not me.” 

Kakashi groaned in agony. “Why not? Why couldn’t you take the mission and save me from my misery? It’s basically free money too.” 

“If I was the one who took the mission, Minato sensei would surely think that you set me up and it won’t count towards your three. I’m just trying to save both of us some time.” 

“Do you know who took the mission?” 

Rin shook her head. “I haven’t heard anything. Besides, I don’t think it’s something that anyone would want to advertise after hearing all those nasty rumors about you going around.” Rin laughed as she recalled some of the things that she heard, so distorted after passing through so many mouths that it was more hilarious than anything, especially since she had the original version to compare to. 

“I mean whoever took the mission is either really short of cash or one of your diehard fangirls or just crazy,” Rin added, relishing in the satisfaction of watching Kakashi’s expression morph from apathetic to one of disdain. 

Messing with him was so fun sometimes. Kunoichis were few to begin with; males outnumbered females two to one, so Rin practically knew all of the kunoichis around their age. Even fewer made it to jonin, only about a tenth of their jonin population were female. And Rin knew all of them. 

None of them were crazy or a fangirl. 

Yet she couldn’t figure out who would actually take this mission. 

“I hope it’s the first option. For both of our sakes,” Kakashi muttered. 

“Well it’s not likely. Most jonins make a decent amount so it’s rare that we are strapped for money.” 

“If it’s the other two, I don’t think I’m going to make it through the hour.” 

“Well it’s your fault for adding the jonin requirement. There’s not many jonin kunoichis around.” 

“Obviously I didn’t expect Sensei to actually find someone, especially after all of those rumors.” 

“Sensei is the Hokage. What did you expect?” 

Why did this conversation feel like an echo of their previous conversation? 

“Whatever. This is so infuriating. I don’t even know why I agreed to this in the first place.” 

“On the bright side, this is your last one!” Rin exclaimed, attempting to hype up Kakashi as well. Her enthusiasm faded when Kakashi gave her a deadpan look. “After this, you will have successfully survived your first ever dating experience and Sensei won’t bother you anymore.” 

“Not really a dating experience. More like me trying to find ways to piss off the other party.” 

“That’s your problem for not trying to make an enjoyable experience out of it.”

“How can I make an enjoyable experience out of something that I’m forced into doing?” 

“It wouldn’t happen if you actually tried instead of just-” Rin waved her hand wildly in his direction. “Just reading those _books_ of yours. Obviously Sensei would be concerned about your love life.” 

“It’s just a book.” 

“About porn.” 

“It’s romance with a plot,” Kakashi insisted. “Whatever, it’s not like you read it, so you’re not the one to talk. Ever heard of ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’?” 

“That phrase is invalid for Icha Icha. The cover literally gives away the premise of the book. And no matter how much flowery bullshit is in the summary, it can’t hide the fact that it’s porn.” 

Kakashi stuck his hand into his weapons pouch, rummaging around for a moment before he pulled out his classic orange book. He tossed it into Rin’s lap. 

“Read it and then come back and tell me there’s no plot.” 

“I don’t need to. Have you seen the research that Jiraiya sama does? His only decent book is _A Tale of A Gutsy Shinobi._ The rest of them are trash.” 

Kakashi had the audacity to look offended. “They are not trash. Read it while I go on this stupid date and then we can talk. Otherwise all of your opinions are completely invalid.” 

With that, he left _Icha Icha Paradise_ in Rin’s possession while he headed off to the tea shop for his third and final date. His weapons pouch felt surprisingly empty without the book and there were a couple times when his hand instinctively reached to pull out the book, only to be met with air, but it was all for a noble cause. 

It had been a long time since he had gone without the book, but for the sake of converting a hater to a fan, Kakashi would deal with it. 

Normally Kakashi wouldn’t have cared, but Rin was one of the few people that he actually labelled as a close friend. And as her friend, Kakashi had the responsibility of righting the wrongs of her perceptions. 

It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he had only been successful in convincing Gai, the person who would believe everything that Kakashi told him, that Icha Icha was a good book. 

Definitely not. 

Kakashi plopped down in the first open seat that he spotted at the tea shop, vowing that he was going to be extra late the next time Minato asked for him to make up for the torture of having to arrive early on three separate occasions for inconsequential things. Things that he would have preferably skipped altogether. 

One of the employees approached him, asking if he would like to order anything and Kakashi waved him off. He was so ready to pull the same tactic from the first date until he saw who walked in. 

Underneath his mask, his mouth was wide open as Kurenai spotted him, waved at him, and then approached him. 

Kakashi cleared his throat. “You’re the one who took the mission?” 

Kurenai nodded, sliding into the seat across from him. 

“Oh hell no,” Kakashi said, standing up. “I’m not stealing my friend’s girl.” 

Whoops, Kakashi had forgotten that Asuma still hadn't gathered the courage to ask Kurenai out, but luckily Kurenai didn’t linger on his slip up. 

“Sit down. I’m doing you a favor.” 

Kakashi warily sat back down. 

“I heard from Rin that you were getting annoyed at attending these dates, so I figured that I would help you out. Besides, I get paid for doing nothing.” 

“Did Rin ask you to?” If so, Kakashi would have to thank her immensely for helping him out. There was a reason why Kakashi regarded her highly as a friend rather than just a former teammate. 

“Well not explicitly,” Kurenai confessed. “But I suppose she hinted at it when she brought up the topic with me and I never told her that I was going to do it.” 

Good enough for him. Better than being stuck with a crazy fangirl. 

“I didn’t quite imagine that my first mission as a jonin would be this, but hey, I’ll take it.” 

“You’re a lifesaver. Order whatever you want. It’s on me.” 

This little bit of expense hardly mattered to him when this was going to be the easiest hour to pass by. 

Mission complete.

* * *

After one too many smug looks from Kakashi, Minato ordered Kakashi a D ranked mission to watch over Naruto while he and Kushina set off for their diplomatic trip to Suna. It was purely out of spite, but Minato had successfully erased the smug look off of his face. 

Let’s see who was smiling by the time he came back from his week long trip. 

Kushina was hardly delighted at his decision to leave Naruto in Kakashi’s care; the incident where Kakashi had accidentally “lost” Naruto the last time he watched over him was forever burned into both of their minds. But Naruto was ten, old enough to know better than wandering off by himself and knew enough to make his way home in the event that he did wander off. 

At least, Minato hoped that was the case. For the sake of easing Kushina’s mind, he made Rin promise to check up on the pair at least once a day to make sure they were both still alive. 

When the two of them arrived in Konoha, the first thing that Kushina wanted to do was check in on Naruto. Kushina did, while Minato separated from her to make a quick trip to the Hokage’s office with the promise that he would be home in time for dinner. 

The house was still intact. Minato entered the house, calling out a “I’m home” while he peeled off his sandals. Kushina returned his greeting in the form of yelling from the kitchen, while a familiar face popped out from the kitchen. 

“Hi Sensei,” Rin greeted. 

“Hi Rin. How were they this past week?” 

Rin shrugged innocently. “No injuries. Kakashi is in the living room, you should go ask him.” With that, she disappeared back into the kitchen when she heard Kushina calling her name. 

Minato spotted his silver haired student on the couch, head bent downwards. Upon closer inspection, Minato caught a glimpse of orange on the cover of the book. He didn’t even need to read the title to know exactly what his student was reading. 

Minato sighed as he flopped down in the armchair. 

“Minato sensei,” Kakashi greeted, all while his eye was glued to the pages of the book as if the contents of the book was so riveting that he couldn’t bear to tear his eyes away from it, even for a mere second. 

Everyone knew that he had already memorized every word of the book, if not by using his Sharingan, but then by the sheer amount of times he read the book over the years. 

“Where’s Naruto?” 

“In his room,” Kakashi responded, again without looking up. He casually flipped to the next page. 

Suspicion bubbled in Minato’s mind; Kakashi was acting way too calm for someone who was forced to babysit for an entire week. 

“What did you do?” 

“Hmm?” Kakashi raised an eyebrow. “What are you talking about?” 

Knowing that he wasn’t going to get an answer out of Kakashi, Minato stood up and headed towards his room. A part of him entertained the possibility that he was just being overly paranoid; unfortunately, it came with the job description for being Hokage. And hell, this was Kakashi that he was talking about. Kakashi, the type to directly confront him, not the type to resort to using petty tricks. 

Nodding confidently to himself, Minato strolled into his bedroom without checking for any traps like he thought about doing. And just like he expected, no traps were set off. 

Minato smiled. 

He still knew his student pretty well after all. 

Humming underneath his breath, Minato headed towards his closet to retrieve a set of clean clothes. The door creaked open and Minato’s hand absently reached in to grab the first shirt and pants that he saw when his eyes practically bugged out of his head. His jaw dropped. 

His closet...normally full of greens and blues and whites of his Hokage gear...was now full of greens and blues and orange. 

Orange. 

Minato’s hand shook as he reached for the first orange article of clothing, lamenting in distress as his eyes took in the letterings stitched on the back of the cloak. 

_Fourth Hokage._

His favorite cloak had been dyed orange! And he knew exactly who was behind it. 

“Kakashi Hatake, what the hell did you do to my cloak?!” 

Kakashi: 3

Minato: 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the dates. Inspiration came from a little idea of Minato trolling Kakashi and Kakashi trying to get him back for it haha. This is the first time I'm using this site, so sorry about the poor formatting in the first chapter. I think I finally figured it out. 
> 
> Curious to know which date that you thought was the funniest: the first (Daimyo's daughter) or the second (late girl)?
> 
> Thanks for reading!  
> -MM


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